When You Lose
by Kayleigh Megan
Summary: Regina's feelings on the curse, and on having to leave Storybrook and Henry behind. Snow/Regina bonding. Set after S03E11


**Regina's feelings on going back to the Enchanted Forest, leaving Henry behind. Snow/Regina bonding. **

* * *

I still couldn't believe what I had to do to make sure we lived through another day, but as I watched Emma drive off with Henry, I lifted my hands and counteracted the curse Pan had cast. It seemed like that was the only good thing I could do, along with giving Emma and Henry good memories and a happy future.

I would never see them again. I would never see my son, and I would never argue with Emma again. I never thought it would be this hard.

A flash of purple made me feel weightless, and I knew we were being lifted back into the _Enchanted Forest_. A lonely tear slipped down my face as my feet touched the ground. For a second longer, there was only purple smoke around us, and then it lifted. The only people around me were Snow and Charming, the other people having been brought to their original place in the forest.

Trying to be strong was hard, and the power it had taken me to counteract the curse was gone. And so I fell to my knees, holding my hands on the ground, the mud and leaves covering my hands in no time. I looked down at it, and sighed. I wasn't even strong enough to walk to the castle.

"Charming, help her," Snow said. I lifted my head, and I saw Snow standing next to me. Charming moved to the other side and they helped me up, lifting me and both holding an arm around my waist. "Let's get you home, Regina."

We began walking, even though I had a hard time lifting my feet, and I knew that Charming was carrying most of my weight. I was grateful for them, and I realized that Snow and I now had something in common. We had both lost a child because of my curse. I felt my knees give in from time to time but neither Charming or Snow seemed to mind, because they carried me all the way to the castle.

"Oh no..." Snow's voice pulled me out of my misery and I looked up to see that the castle had been ruined. I didn't mind that as much as I minded having to leave my son behind, and so when Snow looked down at me with sympathy in her eyes I pulled my arms back and again, sank down on the ground. "I'm so sorry Regina."

"Don't be. I don't need that castle, I can find another place to live," I said. It wasn't about the castle, but I cried. I cried for the things I had lost because of my thirst for revenge, and the things that Snow had lost because of me. I felt terrible for the way I had acted, and I wished there was something I could do to take it all back.

"But Regina..."

I shook my head, "No, Snow. You forget, I hurt you with this curse. You are hurt more so than I am because you lost your daughter again, and I did that." It came out soft, even though I meant it to be clear. Snow heard most of it though, I was sure of it. But she surprised me by wrapping her arms around me again and lifting me up. She hugged me tightly.

"Regina, it's over now. I am one hundred percent sure that I will see Emma again, and you will see Henry again," she said softly. Charming was looking at us over Snow's shoulder and nodded his head in agreement. "You did those terrible things because you were angry and hurt and we talked about it already. There's no turning back but I forgave you. We are family now."

"And we will help you. You can come back to our place...it's not far from here," Charming said. I looked up at him again and wondered how they could still be so nice to me even after all the pain that I had caused them. He seemed to read my mind perfectly, and smiled. "Regina, let it go. We forgave you and now you have to forgive yourself. It's fine, you know? You did everything you could to get us back here, to not let us die."

"Yes, but-"

"Stop," Snow said sternly. I widened my eyes and stepped back, finally having enough strength to stand on my own two feet. "You gave Emma and Henry good memories right?" I nodded. "Then stop doing this and accept that we are family. Henry is as much your son as Emma is our daughter, and you deserve a break. You helped us, you helped them, instead of going evil again and helping Pan."

"Come on, let's get you to our place and get you into bed. You look like you're about to pass out," Charming said, standing next to me and supporting me as we started walking. I looked at both of them and felt as if my heart, which had started thawing since Emma walked into town, was finally warm again.

We walked for a little while before we stopped in front of a sweet cottage, and I frowned. I had never known about this, and the way Snow and Charming looked at each other I figured that this was one of those special places. They'd lived in a castle for a while, before I had cursed them to Storybrook.

"You lived here?"

"Yes...for a while we did," Snow said after a moment. She opened the door and Charming helped me inside. He didn't stop at the living area, but went to a bedroom right away. "I'll help her from here," Snow said with a smile. I looked at Charming, who had a blush on his face, and smiled at him.

"Thank you Charming," I said. He inclined his head, and then after helping me onto the bed, he left Snow and me together. "Snow...I can do it." I stood and stumbled, and Snow chuckled as she stopped me from falling over. "Okay maybe I can't."

"Stop trying to be so strong Regina. I know it took a lot for you to counteract that curse," Snow said. She helped me with my shoes and helped me stand for a second as she turned back the covers. "And losing Henry can't be easy for you..."

"It isn't. I wish there was something I could do, to make everything better for everyone."

Snow shook her head. "You know, you saved us all from a death, and who knows what kind of death that would've been?"

"I do," I said with a shudder. It would've been horrible. There would be no happily ever after for anyone had Pan's curse been successful. "Pan would've killed us one by one...or worse, he would've had us under that curse, working for him." Snow watched me for a while as I climbed into bed. "I'm happy to take the only non-happily ever after. Everyone else will be fine."

"And you will be too. You won't be alone, Regina," Snow said, and she believed it. I couldn't stop but wonder if she was right, but then again I'd been raised to be sceptical. "Oh Regina...you are so strong. No matter what happened in the past, you have done something so good for everyone here. You were really nice to Emma, and I know that that's because she's Henry's mother but-"

"Oh but it's not," I said, looking down at my hands. Snow covered me with the sheets as I spoke. "I didn't like her in the beginning...when she walked into Storybrook with that attitude. But she changed me, she made me _like _her and I wasn't nice just because of Henry. I think she deserves a happy ending..." I looked at Snow. "And so do you, and I took that from you. It's my fault that you can't see your daughter again, it's my own fault that I can't see Henry again. I deserved this."

"That's not true," Snow said in her sweet, loving voice. I could barely contain the smile that fought to appear. "I did something to hurt you way back when, and you wanted revenge. Yes, I get that. But you did _not _bring Pan to Storybrook and you certainly didn't cause this. _He _did and he will get what he deserves." She sat down on the bed and held my hand. "You...have changed for the better. You helped us find Henry, you helped us get home. You did a lot of good Regina and even though I'm sure it doesn't feel like anything, you have your heart in the right place."

"You are all that is good," I said, just a little bit of sarcasm laced into my voice. She chuckled and this time I let the smile appear. It felt good to smile but I did feel guilty. I wished I could have made Emma and Henry immuun to the amnesia, but I'd needed my strength for the curse. The good memories was all I had been able to. That was what I told Snow.

"I know, and someday they will find us again. I know Emma, and you know Henry. When did they ever give up?"

"Snow, they don't remember anything about us. They are just a little family together, oblivious to the fairy tale world except what they know from books. It's fantasy to them," I told her. For the first time I could see pain on her face and I regretted saying anything about it. "I'm sorry."

I didn't think she had realized the damage the curse would do. "Wow."

"I told Emma that she wouldn't remember. I thought you got that," I said, feeling guilty. She shook her head and the silence hurt me more than I thought possible. "I'm sorry Snow. It's what I saw."

"I know and for once, I know for sure it's not your fault. Had Pan left the curse alone this wouldn't have happened." She sighed and then started fidgetting with the covers. "Are you absolutely sure that she will never remember?"

"No...I can't be sure. But considering that she came here as a disbeliever, and left as the Savior, she might find a way...but I will not get your hopes up. That would be cruel," I said. It felt weird to say that, because there was a time that I wanted nothing more than to be cruel, especially to Snow White and Prine Charming.

"I...thank you for that," Snow said, brushing away a tear. "You sleep...I will come wake you jn a little when dinner is ready."

She left quickly and even thought I wanted to call her back, I let her go. I did need my rest and as that thought crossed my mind, I fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

I dreamt of Emma and Henry, driving back home. They would be pleasantly surprised when they got there, because there would be some changes. I'd given Emma her dreams and along with it came comfortable living.

Even though she would never see the love of her life again, she wasn't sad. She had never given up Henry and so she would never have gone on with the stealing. Things were good for her, but she wouldn't have her happily ever after with Neal. She would have it with Henry.

* * *

Snow woke me for dinner. "Charming left to get some stuff we need here...I forgot how things were around here," she said as we sat down. Snow had been cooking a lot in Storybrook and I knew she was a good cook, so I didn't bother tasting but just ate. I was ravenous, I felt like I hadn't eaten for days and the dream about Henry and Emma hadn't felt like a dream at all.

"It's like living in the middle ages," I said. She nodded her head and ate, slowly. "I dreamt of Emma and Henry...but I don't think it was a dream."

"What was it about then?" Snow asked. I looked down at the empty bowl and she smiled. "You want some more?"

"Yes please," I said, a blush creeping up on my face. It was a good thing that I had a natural tan because I didn't want Snow to see it. As Snow stood and gave me another bowl of the food, I told her about the dream. "I know that this sounds weird, but it didn't feel like a dream. It felt like I was sitting in that car with them and listening to them talk, have fun. They are okay, you know?"

"That's good to hear." Snow sat and ate some more, but she didn't seem to have even half of my apatite. "So what happened? How did you know that it wasn't a dream?"

"Oh I didn't until I woke up so hungry I could eat a horse...and a goat," I said with a smile, and then I took another bite. "Listen...I don't know what I did, of what happened. And I'm not sure if I can get back to it, but if I do, I'll tell you. Right now...I think you need food."

"I'm not hungry," she said, her voice low. "I've been so worried about them that I haven't been comfortable sitting around..."

"Okay I need you to do something for me," I said. I knew it was a stretch, asking the woman I had hurt so cruelly ask her to do something for me, but in the end it would be for herself. "I need you to gather something from the woods while I work on something here, and I will give you a glimpse of Henry and Emma." She looked at me with wide eyes, and I sighed. "I know a potion...it's from when I was younger and I need some ingredients for it that are easy to get here. It won't be more than a minute but I want you to be...okay?"

"Oh Regina...thank you!" she stood as I did, and then hugged me tightly before she walked out. When she came back I grinned and told her what I needed, and then she left again. I went to prepare for the potion, and I smiled. It felt good to help someone for a change, and I was sure that I could give her that glimpse she needed to get through the next couple of days. I would find a way to get back to Storybrook, and especially to Henry and Emma.

She owed the people of Storybrook...and the Enchanted Forest...that much.


End file.
